Mark: 65/100
Feedback:
1. Grammar Mistakes:
- "made a smart move" - consider using "made a wise decision" for better clarity.
- "it'll be good as there will be an age limit" - the contraction "it'll" should be expanded to "it will" for formality, especially in writing.
- "Social also helps in another thing" - awkward phrasing. It should be something like "Social media also has another benefit."
- For better clarity, replace "talk about if we should go somewhere else" with "discuss whether we should go somewhere else."
2. Quality of Expressions:
- Phrases like "This is very bad as they don't know what to do" can be expressed more succinctly. Consider saying, "This is concerning because children may not know how to protect themselves."
- Some phrases feel repetitive; using varied expressions will strengthen your writing.
3. Text Structure:
- The introduction should include a clear thesis statement outlining your stance on social media. For example, "In this essay, I will discuss both the harmful effects of social media and its benefits."
- Each paragraph should ideally focus on one main idea with examples to support it. Your second point about age limits feels tacked on without sufficient discussion.
4. Cohesion:
- Transition words can improve flow. Words like "Additionally," or "On the other hand," could enhance the connectivity between your points.
- The conclusion needs to summarize your main ideas more effectively.
5. Techniques:
- Use more specific examples to illustrate your points. For instance, mention specific social media platforms and how they can be used safely.
- Engaging the reader more by using questions or relatable anecdotes could improve your writing.
6. Theme:
- The theme is relevant and timely. However, a more balanced perspective on both sides will enhance the argument. Consider discussing how social media positively impacts learning and connection among peers.
[] | Date: 30-Oct-2024 Mark: 65/100
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Is social media harmful or good?
We all know about social media. Things can be real or fake, but it’s so hard to tell. There is a question lying around: Is social media good or bad?
Firstly, it is bad as children can be misled, manipulated, kidnapped, and even fooled. This is very bad as they don’t know what to do. There have been many incidents where this happened. The government made a smart move to protect children’s lives.
Secondly, now it’ll be good as there will be an age limit for social media, and by the time they will know how to be safe. They will be taught by a school and also their parents. This was a very smart move to counter these things.
Social also helps in another thing. Furthermore, it also helps in communication from afar. If you will go with friends somewhere, you can create a group to talk about where and when you will meet up. Also, during trips we talk about if we should go somewhere else. It is very crucial for these times if you can’t talk without being in a single place and on ground with your shoes.
In conclusion, social media right now is bad, but soon it’ll be very good. It will be safe for everyone and people won’t be in such danger
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